So, I got laid off…. Part 1.
There is so much to share when it comes to this time of my life. I absolutely feel more wiser and powerful, especially when it comes to my confidence and protecting my energy. This story is probably going to take a few little detours. It’s not just about losing a job. It’s about losing relationships, purpose, financial stability… and I want to cover allllll of the nitty-gritty in sharing my perspective and experiences. This is not the first time I’ve been laid off and my two experiences could not be any different. This will also be about recovery, self-discovery, reflection, boundaries, and finding the silver lining.
Well, lets get to it, shall we… *cracks knuckles*
On December 10, 2024, just three days before my 3rd year anniversary with the company, I had a meeting with three individuals from my leadership team who let me know that essentially I would be losing my job. I knew this was coming so it was not a surprise. Actually, we could see this coming a mile away; several “restructures”, budget cuts, changes in processes (insert eye roll and sigh). The job just wasn’t even enjoyable anymore, so I welcomed this entirely. I will not be modest in saying I was probably the easiest lay of all time! (Ha, see what I did there?). Jokes aside, it was important for me to remain respectful and fully express my gratitude for the time I spent there. A little more on gratitude later. I held no resentment or anger. These things happen and unfortunately THIS time was right before Christmas, my company anniversary, and prime planning time for the following quarter - which meant my external partners were asking a lot of questions I was not allowed to answer. What I was relatively upset about was that this job/company wasn’t my end game…and that I was basically long forgotten after 11:30am on December 10th. I really thought I had found the place I was going to retire from.
Corporate is not for the faint of heart and it is especially vicious when you leave the organization, even if it’s involuntary. I’ve actually discerned that leaving because of lay off is worse, honestly. The “family” you were once apart of moves on very quickly and you are left to fend for yourself. Communication basically halts once you get that notice. Thereafter, you still have the urge to want to know e v e r y t h i n g that is happening, which is 100% not healthy for a positive mindset. You begin to hear things that upset you, other people being reached out to, opportunities you feel you have missed or were passed up for… you get the idea. And it’s all ok. We are human and these are all natural motions to go through. I am not sure length of service makes a difference because we are wired to make work so much a part of our lives. We see/talk to colleagues more than we do our families and often times, our colleagues become outside friends. How can we just totally dissociate from a place you give a lot of your time, effort, and dedication to especially when it isn’t your choice to even leave in the first place? Right? How do you forget your purpose for getting up and earning a living each day?
Let me pause this story because I need to share something else that is very important for my overall goal for this entry!
Out of high school, I started working for a wireless telecommunications company. What a cool kid I thought I was. My first primal taste of adult life and the corporate world. Such excitement! I began this little journey as a temp greeting people as they walked into the store and provided A+ concierge service directing customers on which side of the counter they needed to stand. I dressed up in business casual and wore heels. I was a workin’ girl with big dreams of climbing that ladder! Long story short, I earned myself several “promotions” from a temp to permanent positions in customer service and sales in a short time. Ah, the moment I sat in the week-long onboarding training and felt so emotional that I had made it and was apart of something so BIG!…chef kiss. Then, the recession of 2009 came long and businesses everywhere were downsizing. I remember leaving work one night and my manager had asked for me to come in the next day for a meeting. Being the gung-ho people-pleasing employee I was, of course I obliged. Upon my arrival, we walked alllll the way to the food court (like, what the fuck right? First red flag. Second red flag, why was it a meeting for just ME in…the food court?) I should mention I worked at a store located inside of a mall. So, we walk to the food court which felt like MILES and I could sense some weird tension with my manager. We sit down and he gives me this mysterious white folder. He begins to explain in corporate legal jargon that I had lost my job. My reaction was not demure. Not cutesie. Very rage-y. Very unhinged. I was 21 and remember, I had big plans! Losing my job was not one of them.
After making a small scene in the food court, I then had to make the walk-of-shame back to the store, which was now filled with other employees who knew what had just happened. You could see the sympathy on their faces and also some uncertainty because they could probably be next. Looking back, especially writing this all out, what a shitty move on the company and their “brilliant” leadership at the time. I remember calling all of my work friends, family, my boyfriend (now husband) and crying so hard I couldn’t breathe. I just lost my purpose, my income, my fast-track to the top, and most importantly my confidence. I quickly became depressed and had debilitating anxiety. I felt like someone died, because they did. It was me. Who I thought I was- died, and I didn't even know what the fuck to do with the person that was left. My parents were worried about me and I wasn’t even sure my relationship was going to last.
Once I had some of my wits about me, I applied for college again and was accepted at SUNY Oswego. Two years later (yeah, two years on unemployment!) I earned my bachelors and re-entered the workforce. This time around I was hired as a manager of a multi-million dollar department store and was managing anywhere from 10-40 people at a time! I was back bay-beee! Only, I wasn’t. That confidence thing never did return. I had not really healed from what had happened to me. And on top of it, I had a VERY confident and outspoken manager. I lasted 11 months and got the hell outa’ there. This brings me to my next leg of my corporate adventure. After leaving retail behind for good, I was hired at a healthcare company. Fresh-faced and now 25, I felt great with only 11 months leadership experience and zero knowledge of the healthcare industry that someone took a chance on me. I spent 9 years and 7 months with that organization as the same supervisor, with the same team that I was hired with the day I started. To say 7 of the 9 years were pure hell is an understatement. Think of a really bad narcissistic relationship. The company itself was wonderful. I believed in what we did and the executive leadership ran the company very well operationally. The culture though, whole - othuh’ - beast. I could literally write a Harvard thesis on that time of my life. Mind you, my confidence never fully restored. And when any semblance of it did, it was quickly snatched away by a specific manager because anytime you were confident in the work you were doing (OR just being a confident person in general) this person made it a personal goal to change something and make you look incompetent. Ultimately, I left because of poor management and toxic workplace behavior. I finally realized I didn’t have to accept, agree, or understand the way things were being ran. I was still working here during COVID and eventually the organization decided to do a small workforce reduction. This time, I was on the other side of the lay-off coin. To see someone on your team, who you respect and care about, be involuntary terminated and you cannot do anything about it, hurts just as bad. You absolutely cannot, in any way, speak to them about their termination because of the significant legal implications. So, as a leader you are helpless not just for them but for yourself.
Which now brings me full circle to three years ago. I had finally escaped hell. And this time around, I very much had had ENOUGH bullshit. This job felt like a fairytale. I had a manager who treated me like an adult, trusted me from the get-go, and wanted me to have autonomy in my work. Phew… I could finally breathe and shine. Was it always perfect, no. Were there some yellow flags looking back now, of course. Would I change it EVEN meaning I would still be laid off, absolutely not one bit. I had many firsts at this company. I met Olympic Gold Medalist, Scott Hamilton, the Mayor of NYC, Geraldo Rivera, and Buffalo Bills QB, Jim Kelly. I threw a first pitch at a Rochester Redwings game, got to travel to NYC for work, and my personal network grew tenfold! All of these things would have never happened if I didn’t invest in myself and my worth. And guess what else I got to experience for the first time in 16 years?? Any guesses??…That’s right folks -
SELF CONFIDENCE!!
If my younger self could see me now… I wish I could go back and tell her how powerful we become. How all the hurt and turmoil we experienced alchemizes into pure greatness. How everything works out even better than we could have imagined! How we actually really were confident but there were individuals who didn’t want to see you shine or succeed. With this recent layoff, I supported a lot of people with emotional support and I was happy to do so. But my advice to anyone, on either side of the desk/computer screen, is the same- it will be SO much better going forward. Sounds entirely cliche and insensitive but it’s 100% true. Sometimes things need to be dismantled and torn apart to be rebuilt more perfectly and beautifully. And sometimes, that “thing” is YOU! Bonus when all of the other stuff aligns as well.
I think this is a great place to end part 1, which as you can see was all about the destruction and uncovering. Part 2 will be all about the rebuild and glow up!
See you next Tuesday ; ) Love yous guys! xoxo