So, I got laid off…. Part 2.

Welcome to part 2! As I mentioned last week, this is all about the glow-up, mind, body, and soul! What I hope to accomplish with these two parts is to let anyone that has experienced a lay-off, toxic workplace, depression, anxiety, a lack of confidence, or totally unsure of what path to take… you are not alone. There is absolutely a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel and you should not feel ashamed, stuck, purposeless, or hopeless. Ask for help if you need help. This does take some action on your part. You can have all of the support in the world, but if you can’t get out of your own way and decide to stay in that victim mentality, you just simply won’t grow in the right direction. I say this as someone who stayed in the “why me” vicious cycle for almost 16 years! Don’t be like old Kayla. New Kayla wants you to nip that shit in the bud now and level up bitches!

So, I got laid off and everyone wants to know just what will I do now? Be prepared to clutch your pearls…

I have zero plans to go back to work, which is very confusing for a lot of people. I refuse to be a monkey in the circus trying to search, apply, interview, and then be totally ghosted by employers. It’s a disgusting process and I wholeheartedly mean to be that dramatic. It’s unnecessary stress on candidates in a normal scenario, now add being laid-off and working against the clock to find new employment. I truly can’t bring myself to endure that rollercoaster of emotions. But the weird (in the best way!) thing is, for the first time in my life, I simply am not worried. Because I am now wise enough to surrender to the flow. Everything is going to work in my favor, plus I got some ‘thangs up my sleeve. I know many are not able to make the decision I am, and for those going through the application/interview process it might be worth taking advantage of any assistance program or LinkedIn forums for support. Remember, YOU are in the drivers seat and demand what you are worth!

What is very frustrating and discouraging is when others try and instill this odd fear by asking really “concerned” and “worried for your situation” questions. It often sounds like “but will you be ok?”, “I am just worried about you”, “will you be able to afford your bills?”, “is your spouse ok with your decision?”, and/or start suggesting a thousand and one things you can do EVEN though you never asked. And those “concerns” and “worry” are 99.9% of the time being expressed with a hidden agenda. That’s right, I SEE YOU!! And I go along with it all, but just know I know. And now you know I know, so, please stop. Also, and not so respectfully, my finances are quite frankly none of anyone’s business. If you are someone outside of my marriage, you need not lose any sleep over my financial well-being *Deep breath* Sorry… I admit I got a little triggered there. But, the audacity, right? And look, I am very appreciative of those who are genuine that check on me and offer insight to current openings they know I would do well at. I know who is here for my greater good, who wants to see me struggle, and who just wants me to work for them. Everyone will always have their own opinion of what they think is best for you. At the end of the day, what you feel is best for you is all the matters.

Well, I think I made my point with that, so we can move on!

I do plan on drawing unemployment. I ain’t too proud! Unemployment is something no one needs to be ashamed taking advantage of. It is a temporary support benefit to help you on your journey to finding new employment. And let me stop y’all right there because I know how the internet works and some of you are ratchet! Not that I ever feel I need to explain myself, but I am here to try and help others in my situation not feel obligated or pressured and to take their time in this period of their life. Am I choosing not to work right now, yes. But I am more so choosing NOT to re-enter the corporate world rather. I am very able-bodied and as I mentioned, I have some things I am working on which gets me back out into the workforce, but not in a full-time capacity. I also have two small children that now won’t have to go to daycare for the summer. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me; I don’t have some weird image to uphold. Unemployment doesn’t make me lesser of a woman, wife, mother, or boss-babe! My kids won’t go without but they will see the adjustments we have to make at this time and I think, even though they are 8 and 4, this is a great experience for them to witness. Whatever my next move is, it’s going to light me up like the 4th of July! I refuse to take anything less than what sets my soul on fire now. I am being choosey and that is more than acceptable.

I didn’t always have this mentality. In 2009 when I had to take unemployment for two years, I felt like a piece of shit. There was a stigma with unemployment. I felt like a loser to be honest. I started “working” when I was about 12 or 13 years old babysitting. I wasn't athletic nor did I have interest in sports or other extra curricular activities, I worked. To not EARN the money I was receiving seemed like a very icky deal. This was definitely a conduit for the start of my depression. That deep-seated feeling of having no purpose grew rapidly and had me falling down the ‘ol spiral staircase fast. Depression led to increased anxiety. I guess it’s a good time to add that my grandmother who I was very close to had passed away shortly after I was laid off. I already had a weird fear of dying and carrying the guilt of never really being able to say goodbye to her exacerbated this. I was so young then, living away from home and not giving much attention to my family. I mean, my budding career and boyfriend were l i f e. My grandmother had lived with us for several years before her passing. She had dementia and as a teenager, it was sometimes difficult to have patience to interact with her. And then she died while I was off being selfish… at least that’s how I felt for a long time. I knew how my anxiety and depression was affecting my life and relationships so I sought help. I didn't have any health insurance and the counselor at the college wasn't able to support because I couldn’t afford the self-pay fee. I was super appreciative that there was a local office who had college interns staffed and they usually performed services at no-cost or low self-pay fee. My therapist was named Jane. I don’t know if Jane ever fully knew how much she helped me through this time but I will never, ever forget her! So kids, getting help does not make you weak. Mental health is often more important than your physical…in my humble opinion. There are always options. If you feel you need to talk to someone, do it. Whether it be a professional therapist, a trusted friend, teacher, life coach… just, do it.

Stabilizing my mental well-being was really the seed for my personal growth and reframing my mindset. A positive frame of mind and gratitude can do a lot. Of course, it took a LONG time and a lot of practice and realizations. If I had never been laid off from the telecommunications company, I would have never taken the opportunity to go back to college. That moment sent me on an entirely new trajectory with some very amazing and important lessons. Without the toxic workplace experiences I might not have ever learned how to value my worth more than a job and take action for what I believed in. I would have never traveled to NYC, met famous people, built my own notoriety, learn to love and appreciate myself more…and if I wasn’t apart of the recent workforce reduction I would not have the time, which is the ultimate reward right now.

It outweighs the money. I will never get this time back. I was available for my kids this winter with unexpected illnesses and snow days without having the stress of trying to rearrange schedules or find child care if I didn’t have coverage for work. With time, I have been able to fully invest in ME! I am able to plan meals more efficiently which leads to MUCH healthier choices. I exercise daily and feel less guilty when I have plans with friends. I have more “space” in my head to give to other more important things. I’ve completed little house projects I have wanted to tackle for years but never really had the…*insert gun fingers*…time! I don’t want to be as connected anymore which has re-shaped my relationships. Another thing people have had a hard time understanding and I did too at first. But the longer I don’t have to constantly check in, the more I get to notice and appreciate the small things. Like, the nature around my house or flowers I never noticed growing before. The silence! The calmness that comes with silence is something I never thought I would crave.

I quite like it here. And by “here” I mean in the current state of being home, alone, quiet, feeding my birds and squirrels. I know someday I will be very busy again, but until then I am welcoming this pause. I feel centered, unbothered, and really have a clear direction of where I want my life to go. A friend and I were talking about this several weeks ago. When someone asks you (and usually its in the workplace) of where you see yourself in 5-10 years, it was always difficult for me to answer that question because I had worked at places I literally did not know what my path was. Management didn’t help you figure it out, there wasn’t a succinct career development process, and whenever I did try to apply to a different role I was discouraged to do so or got turned down.

Overall, I am not trying to condone anyone seeking employment with a corporate organization or saying corporate roles are bad. Frankly, corporate is where the money is! And that really isn’t the point I want to convey anyway. I mentioned before, this environment takes a thick skin. There is a lot of push and pull, and if you are ever worried about lay-offs, well… it happens dime a dozen in the corporate landscape. But it doesn’t make those career paths bad choices. I really value my experiences because they made me who I am today. But I’ve done my time and realize my path with corporate ends here. I didn’t want it to! My grandfather always used to say I would be a CEO someday. He wasn’t wrong. I’m workin’ on it and in divine timing, I will be, just not for a corporate company.

What I am hoping everyone reading takes away from these first two posts is that through destruction, chaos, not-so-great experiences can come beautiful rebuild, calmness, and amazing lessons you hold with you forever. Reframe and find the silver lining. The delays are not usually punishment, they are things that just aren’t meant for you in that moment or redirections to what IS for you. Jobs are not our identity or purpose. Our identity and purpose should shine bright through our work, no matter the industry! I had it backwards for so long, trying to please management and employees and peers. And literally 90% of those people I don’t even interact with anymore. All of that worry and frustration and urgency…

If you find yourself in a lay-off situation, take it as a golden opportunity that something even better is coming your way! And take this same mindset for ANY occurrence and apply it. Next week I want to talk about the “how” and what resources I leveraged to get to this outlook. It’s definitely an ongoing practice and a muscle you have to keep flexing.

See you next Tuesday ; ) Love yous guys! xoxo